Celebrating the lives of two remarkable men this Father’s Day: My Fallen Father and My Supportive Stepfather This Father’s Day

I’m 30 years old now. My father, Charles Dexter Chase Jr, was an Army Special Operations Soldier. He was known as an exceptional soldier, a boxer, a dedicated friend, and an all-around image of an American warrior. He was taken when I was only three years old.

Frankly, I have no memories of him. For my family I’m unique in that; everyone has vibrant stories to tell of Chuck Chase. My sister was 10 when he passed, so her relationship with him is almost alien to me. For her, and my mother, Father’s Day is a day of direct loss and memory. For me, it’s one of… void. I tell people about my father and I always get, “Oh I’m sorry for your loss”. I never knew how to respond because I honestly never felt loss. I can’t miss something I have no memory of. Which is never the response anyone wants to hear so I avoided saying it.

That’s changed since working this job. Working at Poor Bear Stories has given me the opportunity to benefit the efforts of nonprofits for Gold Stars. I get to see and hear the kaleidoscope of loss the military community experiences, and how that loss can be turned into remembrance, healing, and action. The first job I worked for Poor Bear was at a Legacies Alive event. Sight unseen, completely without meeting me first, they heard about my dad and began honoring him at all of their events. They learned about and respected him because of what he was, not because they had a personal connection to him. That shifted my paradigm a little bit. While I still don’t have personal memories, I have started to feel the loss. Loss for a life taken too early. Loss for what could have been. A sense of loss for the lack of memories, rather than the memories themselves. The loss of a man who helped, in his death, get me to where I am in life.

Since working at that Legacies event, I find myself wearing a memorial band with my Dad’s name on it. When I’m not wearing it, it sits on my desk. I’m looking at it right now. This Father’s Day I’m going to wear it and feel that loss. In my own way, I want to honor his memory too.

Pictured: A memorial band, given to me by Legacies Alive honoring my father.

Additionally, this Father’s Day, I’m honoring not only my dad but the man who was there for my mom.

My mom didn’t remarry until both my sister and I were in college. She gave her life to us, with 100% dedication and love. I was terrified of going off to college and living far away. I just didn’t want her to be alone. By some grace, thankfully, I didn’t have to worry long. My mother met Chief Warrant Officer Randy Ferguson in 2013 and quickly fell head over heels. They got married a year later.

This man absolutely adores my mother. He’s taken care of her, cherished her, watched after her through some scary medical episodes, and overall been an immensely good human being. My mom went from a small apartment alone several states away, to recently moving into her dream home (with a newly retired Randy, congratulations!) close to me in Georgia. He has also helped support me when times were tough directly, helping me keep my apartment through the pandemic, simply because he loves my mother and therefore loves me. To know that my mother, who has given so much, can wake up every morning taken care of to the same degree is such a weight taken off and I can’t thank Randy enough for that gift.

Pictured left: My mom, Cathey Ferguson and stepdad Randy Ferguson. Pictured Right: My stepfather, Chief Warrant Officer Randy Ferguson retiring after 26 and half years in the US Army

So I hope today, Randy, you take a look over your life; both as an incredibly accomplished soldier, and as a truly fantastic husband & stepfather, and give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back. Thank you.

-Robert Chase